An Education.

Here are some things I have learnt today.

You can't pick up the phone just after waking up and NOT sound like a 80yr old man. This was upsetting when I discovered it in the middle of my lie in. I seriously must change my ringtone to something other than very loud carribean steel drums.

Once you've overfilled the washing machine with fabric softener, you can't get it back out of the freaking drawer. Everything smells very very very comfort-y now.

You can't microwave chicken dippers.

Cats won't eat shrivelled, burnt chicken dippers.

Birds won't either.

We don't have a bike pump in our house, or our garage. Neither does Simon next door, or Robert next door to him, or Pauline next door to him.

You can ride a bike with flat tires.

You can't balance hot banana bread on your lap whilst cycling on flat tires.

You can't buy a guardian after 10am

You can buy The Times.

Don't think you're being selfless by giving the lad at the bus stop 50p for the fare. According to the loud and obnoxious conversation he was having with "Tev" on the phone, he'd spent all his money on mephodrone on Tuesday night. Tool.

Babies think it's ok to yell on buses, and some mothers should be slapped.

Tom makes an ok cuppa.

Strawberry cider is nice-ish.

I cook a good bolognaise.

Ipods are shit.

So that's about it - note the absense of any life changing lessons in there? Don't do mephs kids. You won't have enough for the bus 3 days later.